Shortcuts Aren't Always
by Edna Harris

On the bookshelf above my computer sits a little book entitled “Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me” by Cynthia Copeland Lewis. It is full of pithy childlike sayings like, “If it tastes good, it is probably not good for you,” and “If you don’t get it, say so.” I remembered one of those sayings; “Shortcuts aren’t always,” during a recent conversation I had with a friend of mine -- I’ll call her Sonja. Sonja is a practicing school principal.

Sonja initiated our conversation by sharing her frustration with solving problems her staff brought to her. She said that was not how she wanted to spend her time. Sonja knew that giving advice got people out of her office fast, but they soon returned to report that the solution she gave didn’t work so they needed another one. Worse yet, they brought additional problems for her to solve. Getting them out of her office quickly only meant more work for her in the end. She realized her advice-giving robbed people of the opportunity to solve their own problems, and it also brought them back to her repeatedly. “Shortcuts aren’t always.”

Sonja realized that giving answers satisfied her own ego -- it reinforced her self-image of “super principal.” She could solve hundreds of problems in less than an hour. As Sonja examined this habit, she explored why she was allowing this behavior to continue. She felt she was promoted to a principal position due, in large part, to her ability to solve problems and get things done. She also struggled with the idea that no one else could do things as well as she could. Sonja revealed, “To be truthful, I am scared that if I do not have answers, people will think I am incompetent.”

Sonja told me she wanted to move from advice-giving to helping others solve their own problems. Her goal was to help her staff members become better problem solvers. She decided that the place to start was by becoming a more focused listener herself. She generated lots of possible strategies and then selected four:

1. Create an environment where she was not distracted and could really listen. She removed the clutter from the small table in her office and created a “listening” space.
2. If her schedule was tight, she would schedule a time for a later visit. This would allow her to relax and really listen to the staff member during their meeting.
3. She made a concerted effort to set aside conversations going on in her own head (e.g., thinking ahead to possible solutions for the person’s problem). If her thoughts drifted, she would refocus on the person and what she/he was saying by maintaining eye contact and taking notes (mentally or physically).
4. She would not offer solutions to any given situation until the person had listed at least five possible solutions of their own. Sonja would reiterate that her suggestions were not better than the ones the staff person had proposed. She wanted to convey that he/she knew the situation and students best. Sonja would send a clear message that each staff member was capable of solving his/her own issues.

Sonja wrote her strategies on a note card and read them each morning as a reminder of her new way of being. In order to practice these new listening strategies, she reviewed her calendar as she planned for the next week and identified 2-3 scenarios where she would focus on being a better listener. At the end of the week, she reflected on her practice.

Sonja was committed to changing. She left our conversation determined to make these new listening behaviors part of her leadership repertoire. Sonja realized that change would involve practice, and that the work began with her.

As I reflected on our conversation and thought about Sonja implementing her new skills, it reminded me of another saying from “Really Important Stuff”; “Every time you swim out to the rock, it gets a little closer.” As a leader, what new skills are you adding to your skill set? What rocks are you bringing closer to you?

*Leaders can learn more about the coaching process and extend skills to implement coaching by attending one of our upcoming seminars. See details below.

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