The Three Faces of Feedback
by Linda Gross Cheliotes

How often do we give feedback to others and then are surprised that they react poorly, fail to change their behaviors, or misunderstand our intentions? Feedback can break or build relationships with our family members, colleagues, and friends. Yet feedback is essential for the development of effective organizations and personal learning. Why then, does feedback often provide no meaningful exchange of information and drive people apart?

There are three basic forms of feedback: negative, conciliatory, and reflective*. Negative feedback is typically painful and involves direct criticism, telling people exactly what they did wrong. The person receiving the feedback then may become defensive and alienated. As a teacher, did a supervisor ever tell you that your lesson was boring, too long, or not child-centered? How did you react? Did you even understand what the other person meant by their criticism? What did you learn from the interaction? Did this feedback help you to improve your teaching style and how did the interaction affect your relationship with your supervisor?

Conciliatory feedback is positive, yet vague. We tell another person that an idea may work or that a teacher’s lesson was interesting. In order to avoid conflict, appear supportive, and not directly criticize another person, we use encouraging words. We choose to maintain a positive relationship rather than provide the listener with specific information that might lead to personal growth. Conciliatory feedback is evasive and, over time, the listener learns that your feedback is empty. For example, throughout my educational career I was told that I was doing an excellent job and received outstanding ratings on my professional evaluations. Although it was nice to know that I was doing well, I had no way of knowing what I was doing specifically and found little means for growth in the compliments I received.

The third and most effective form of feedback is reflective. This type of feedback takes more time and requires more thought and effort on the part of the speaker. It includes three components:

• The behavior under consideration is clarified to be sure both parties are talking about the same thing.
• The speaker expresses positive features toward preserving and building upon them.
• The speaker also communicates concerns and provides specific suggestions toward improvement.

For example, after a classroom observation you might say to the teacher, “I saw evidence of thoughtful planning around the math standards. I am wondering if you noticed any gaps in student understanding of the lesson concepts?”  Listeners receive honest, respectful communication about their behavior that leaves open the possibility for discussion, growth, and change.

Professional coaches help school leaders and others learn and practice effective feedback processes that lead to helpful communication and personal and organizational growth.

Next month’s article will provide specific ideas for developing reflective feedback skills that build relationships and enhance communication. In the meantime, listen carefully to the feedback you give and receive. Tune in to reactions and what results occur from those conversations. Was the feedback negative, conciliatory, or reflective?

*Adapted from David Perkins’ book King Arthur’s Roundtable: How Collaborative Conversations Create Smart Organizations

Linda Gross Cheliotes resides in New York and has over 36 years of education experience. As a principal, Linda led her elementary school from a low performing school to National Blue Ribbon School of Excellence status. She has also been honored with the National Distinguished Principal award. To read more about Linda and the other CSR coaches, go to www.coachingschool.com and click on “coaches.”

*Leaders can learn more about the coaching process and extend skills to implement coaching by attending one of our upcoming seminars. See details below.

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