New Years’ Resolutions are easy enough to make but hard to keep over time. We begin with commitment and enthusiasm, to change a habit that is important to us. But our brains… and our muscles… and our psyches… default to the old patterns very soon!   Before we know it, we are back on the old road of complacency and discouragement.

I had a friend, Sarah, who resolved to have more meaningful conversations with others.  She devised three simple ideas to practice consistently in order to elicit higher quality conversations with family members and colleagues.

• When her teen daughter said, “It was good”  (can you hear the flat voice tone?) or  ”She’s nice,” Sarah would push for more details. “What made it ‘good’?”  or  ”What specifically makes her ‘nice’?”   Suddenly her daughter had to do more thinking and be less automatic in her response.
• When her colleagues asked for Sarah’s advice about a situation, she would first ask what they were thinking BEFORE offering her own ideas.  She would say, “So what are you thinking about doing?”  This allowed her to build on their ideas before plunging in with her own (brilliant!) thinking.
• In conversations with her friends, Sarah listened to identify core values implicit in their stories and name those values while she paraphrased what they said.  For example, her friend was ranting about her children who were showing a bad attitude about some Christmas gifts they received.   Sarah’s response to the friend was, “It’s really important to you that your children show appreciation and gratitude even if the gift itself misses the mark.”   This opened a whole dialogue about the value that the friend was trying to inspire in her children.

If you are like Sarah and have an important resolution you want to stick with you, then do what she did:

• Focus on what you want to do, rather than on what you don’t want to do.
• Create frames for situations that frequently occur, which will easily move you into practicing the new skill.
• Always be on the lookout for situations when you can use one of the frames.  This will give you lots of practice in the new skill.

Best wishes for 2012 as you practice those new habits of mind!

By Marceta Reilly
Coaching For Results Global, Inc.

January is the time of the year that brings a feeling of renewal and recommitment. You make New Year’s resolutions around dieting, exercising, saving money, etc. With the beginning of a new semester, it’s also time to reflect on where you are as a coach leader. Consider this quote by Tony Robbins, author and professional speaker;  ”Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is raise your standards. When people ask me what really changed my life… I tell them… the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things… that I aspired to becoming.”

One way to think about changing your expectations as a coach leader is to use the lens of illumination. Light sources shine with different levels of intensities. These varying intensities can shed a light on your progress toward becoming the best coach leader. Use the following brightness continuum to identify where you are in your use of coach-like behaviors and to consider ways to obtain mastery of coaching skills.

Let’s start with our initial light source — a flickering candle. Candles create low light and cast only a slight shadow. If you are at the candle level of implementing coach-like behaviors, you are aware of coaching behaviors but you have not applied these skills on a regular basis to daily life situations. You have not practiced the skills so that they have become a part of your normal repertoire.

Level two on the illumination scale is illustrated with a flashlight. Flashlights give off more light than a candle. They allow you to focus your light on specific items within a space. As a coach leader, you select a situation and shine your light on it. You think about what coaching skills you might use and you elect to practice your coach-like behaviors in these isolated circumstances.

Level three is illustrated with a strobe light. Strobe lights scan the environment looking for specific areas where their light needs to be focused.  As a coach leader, you are aware of situations in your school where individuals need to be encouraged or challenged and you choose to use your coaching skills to intervene.

The last level on our coach-like illumination scale is high beam lights. When you are driving at night, high beam lights allow you to see clearly everything on the horizon  — particularly, objects that are right in front of you.  Just as your driving skills are involuntary, your coach-like skills have also become automatic. Your coaching behaviors have become intrinsic and they continually impact your interactions with others.

Becoming a strong coach leader takes time, attention, and commitment.  What’s the result of your dedicated focus? You are an illumination for yourself and others.

by Edna Harris, PCC
Coaching For Results Global, Inc.

Edna Harris is a founding member of Coaching For Results Global. She is certified through the International Coach Federation as a Professional Certified Coach and is a co-author of Results Coaching: The New Essential for School Leaders. To learn more about Edna and other CFR Global Coaches, go to www. CoachingForResultsGlobal.com and click on “Coaches.”

Sitting across the restaurant table from Ava, I could see her eyes cloud with pain when I asked about her topic for today’s coaching conversation. She systematically chewed her bottom lip, sucked in a long-ragged breath, and plunged in, “My adult niece asked to move in with me for six months and I’m already regretting saying yes. I like my life the way it is. My husband and I enjoy our solitude, we relish our time together. This could wreak havoc in our world. I am so worried.”

Gently probing, I asked Ava what was the most important thing to know about the situation. “I am afraid I will destroy my relationship with my niece, because I really don’t want her to live with me.”

I asked Ava to envision two doors. Behind both is a future with her niece. Behind the first is a relationship which is carefully designed. Behind the other waits a relationship devoid of goals or planning. “Which door will you choose? ”

Ava grabbed a pencil and began to scribble on a paper napkin. “My goal for my relationship with my niece is:
To provide support.
To be generous.
To be respectful.
To model a strong work ethic
To be loving.
To be thoughtful.
To be available.

For the first time that morning, Ava smiled and asserted, “I am in control of determining the outcome of this relationship.”

Like Ava, we always have a choice in determining our future. Even the effects of factors beyond our control can be impacted by setting goals for how we will respond to certain circumstances. It is, at once, as simple and profound as that. Your future, (and mine), will be determined by two things: the goals that we set, and the commitments that we honor. What goals will you write for 2012? What doors are awaiting your consideration?

by Reba Schumacher, ACC
Coaching For Results Global, Inc.

Reba Schumacher is certified through the International Coach Federation as an Associate Certified Coach. She is a veteran Texas public school administrator with thirty-three years experience. Currently she is an independent consultant and leadership coach, and her experience supervising highly effective, visionary school principals and district directors contributes significantly to her success as a coach. To read more about Diana and other CFR coaches, go to www.coachingschoolresults.com and click on “coaches.”

I had the opportunity to have a very valuable coaching session as part of our ongoing personal development process within Coaching For Results Global. You might call it “coaches coaching coaches.” I have moved from being a passive observer of my “issue” to taking an active role in the situation. How did my coach help facilitate learning and results for me in that session? As I’ve thought about the skills that she used in working with me, I’ve identified at least three uses of language that were very powerful:1) the language of metaphor, 2) the language of movement and 3) the language of holding one able and accountable.

The language of metaphor:

As I began describing my issue, I explained the event that prompted my concern. My coach reframed my story event with the use of a powerful metaphor, “You got a radar signal.” That image of the radar signal implanted the significance of that event in my mind. She went on to reframe my ramblings about the issue by asking, “Where do you want to shine the spotlight?” The metaphor of a spotlight was not only powerful in getting me to think about the focus of the issue, but became our “coaching agreement” about how we would focus our limited coaching time together.

The language of movement:

Recently at the movies, the “feature presentation” was announced by a clip that included audience viewers sitting in chairs in a movie theater awaiting the start of the movie when the chairs suddenly start moving as if on a magic carpet and transport the viewers into a lovely, darkened, outdoors garden where they begin watching the movie. It hit me- that is what my coach had done for me. I had been sitting in the “theater” passively observing my issue feeling immobilized about doing anything about it. Through her artistry and skill, I was transported to a mental space of possibility and wonder over the control I could have over my issue. I was transported from point A to Point B. The “chair” that transported me was her language of movement.

Some of the “movement language she used was, “Where do you want to shine the spotlight? “ I visualized that spotlight moving over several options from inaction to action. She noted, “You want to put yourself in the center of the situation.” This enabled me to recognize that I had the power to move from a passive to an active participant.

The language of holding me able and accountable:

The impact of the coach paraphrasing and asking powerful questions of me, held me able and accountable for my movement. I shared with the coach my many good excuses for not having done more about this issue for several years. She did not shame me or try to give me advice about how better off I would be if I took the necessary action. She did not try to counter my excuses with advice or new ideas framed with, “have you thought about..?” Her language became the language of her belief that I had both the whys and the answers for creating change. She asked several thoughtful questions that made me think and work such as 1)” How do you want to be?” 2)” What will it look like in the future when you become the way you want to be?” 3) “How can you take charge of this?” I realized that I did not want to be powerless. I was able to visualize a different future, and I was able to think of multiple ways to reach my goal. Her language of accountability was, “what do you want to commit to publicly? I have had movement in my goals as a result of her holding me able and accountable.

Coach, I want you to know that your coaching will have long range impact on my well-being. Thank you for helping me move to the center of my own power. Thank you for helping me recognize the radar signal, and thank you for helping me shine a spotlight on possibilities. Thank you, Coach!

by Diana Williams, PhD, PCC
Coaching For Results Global, Inc.

​Diana Williams, PhD, PCC, author of the Elementary Principal’s Personal Coach, is a founding member of Coaching for Results Global and serves on the CFR Global Board of Directors, leading the Office of Evaluation. She is a past president of Learning Forward, formerly NSDC, and a recipient of the Distinguished Service Award. To read more about Diana and other CFR coaches, go to www.coachingschoolresults.com and click on “coaches.”

Who would have ever thought that the lessons of using positive intent – one of our essential coaching skills – would be reinforced for me as I was being wheeled back to my room after a recent surgery?  Certainly not me, but there it was!  With my morphine pump held tightly in my hand I listened as the hospital orderly explained how he was going to transfer me from the gurney to my bed.  I would have to move over to the edge of the gurney and lift myself up to get unto the bed.  All I could think was “pain – lots of pain” and before I knew it I was telling the orderly “This sounds like its really going to hurt and I don’t think I can do it.”  The orderly would not have any of that and replied with the following:

“Here’s what I want you to think and say – this man is very experienced and skillful.  He knows what he’s doing and will move me very carefully without causing me undo pain.  And I can do whatever he asks me to do.  I CAN DO IT!  I WILL DO IT! If you think that way you will be able to do what I ask you to do.”

I immediately changed my “can’t” to “I can” and the move from gurney to bed was easy and as painless as possible.

Imagine if teachers routinely helped their students change “I can’t” to “I can and I will”.  What a jump in achievement we would see – not to mention a generation of empowered students!

Imagine if school leaders framed each of their messages to teachers, support staff and parents in the language of “can and will” instead of dwelling on obstacles and describing challenges as if they were facts.

Positive intent – a relatively simple change in our thinking and language – that produces anything but simple results.

by Riva Korashan
Coaching For Results Global, Inc.

Riva Korashan is a founding member of Coaching For Results Global, Inc. and passionately believes that coaching educators is the key to student achievement. She has been coaching educators for over 20 years and has seen first-hand the difference it makes for individuals and school organizations.

Real transformations in life sometimes happens when you least expect it.  One of my major transformations happened twelve years ago, when the National Staff Development Council (now Learning Forward) initiated a bodacious project.  Dennis Sparks, then Executive Director, thought that every principal and superintendent in high poverty schools should have the benefit of a coach to help them do their hard work of school reform.  I was invited to participate.   Was I interested?  I was a successful school administrator and looking for a new opportunity, but I had absolutely no knowledge about coaching except that Dennis said it was life-changing and I liked to help people and systems change.    It was crazy for me to consider an idea I knew so little about, but in my gut it felt like the chance of a lifetime.

What I learned was that coaching, like life, is all about relationships.   And the richness of life is measured by the quality of the relationships we have.   So here are some wonderful life lessons I have learned from my coaching.

In coaching I learned that when people focus on their strengths and take action from that vantage point, they flourish.  So in my own relationships, especially with my adult daughters, I stopped trying to make them “perfect” by noticing all the things they weren’t doing “right” (at least in my eyes!).   Instead, I began to notice and celebrate all the things they were doing well.

Lesson #1: When you show up focusing on your children’s strengths, you become a caring friend rather than a meddling parent.

In coaching I learned that committed listening is a gift that people crave.  So I started listening to my friends and close family members without wearing my “problem solver hat.” 

Lesson #2: Just listening—REALLY listening—is the best, and easiest, way to become a highly trusted, wise friend.

In coaching I learned that “being” is as important as “doing.”  We help our clients get clear about their core values and life goals so that they can show up authentically in whatever actions they take.   So now when I want to have an important conversation with a friend or colleague, I carefully examine my own intentions and goals first.  This increases the potential that I say my message clearly and leave the emotional wake behind. 

Lesson #3: Knowing your own intentions and purpose helps you let go of emotional baggage and allows your authentic self to show through more clearly.

Spending time building relationships is some of the most important work you can do.  Before you know it, your life is transformed by simple actions that change and deepen your relationships.  The payoff is having more joy and meaning in your life.

by Marceta Reilly
Coaching for Results Global, Inc.

Marceta Reilly, PCC, is a leadership coach and faculty member for Coaching For Results.  She is co-author with Linda Gross Cheliotes of the book, Coaching Conversations: Transforming Your School One Conversation At a Time, which is on the Corwin Press best seller list.  A second book by the same co-authors entitled Coaching Conversations in Your Daily Practice is due for publication in the Spring of 2012.

Even though our weather is still warm, winter is on the way. Imagine yourself in a blizzard where the snow is falling so hard, and the wind blowing so fast, you can’t see a hand in front of your face. It’s conditions like this that cause farmers living in snow-belt areas to string a rope from the house to the barn – to be able to tend their livestock and return to the safety of home.

School leaders know the importance of having a vision statement. To be effective, that statement must be clearly understood and supported by all stakeholders. In clear weather it’s relatively easy to navigate from where the school is to the vision. However, the great leader knows commitment to that vision is the rope everyone must take hold of if the school remains on course and moves safely through storms. They don’t wait to build commitment. It is something they build while developing the vision statement. Then they constantly check it and mend weak spots before the storm arrives. When a blizzard comes howling in, everyone in the school knows to take hold of the rope of commitment in order to keep the school on track and moving forward.

What are your processes are you using to maintain the rope of commitment in your school?

By Bob Carter
Coaching for Results Global, Inc.

Death and dying is not a comfortable topic for most.  It is often full of sadness and loss.   Its presence has been very real for me.   During the last few days, I have been with my Dad who is in his final stages.  At 99 he has lived a productive, joyful life and is very happy to be headed home to be with so many he loved who have gone before him.  As I stand beside him through this journey I have experienced many conversations that are new for me.  His caregivers tend to him, the hospice workers monitor his every change and all of these earthly angels talk to me about how I am doing.  One repeated message was so familiar… the message to me to stop trying to do…  just “witness his struggle.”

I wasn’t expecting to hear this phrase in this arena of life.  “Witness the struggle” is the amazing paraphrase and way of being I learned in 1982 from a wise psychologist working with our district teachers of gifted students.  In discussing how to deal with difficult people, discourteous people, or rude people he offered this powerful principle to me… “People rationally know you can’t give them all they want; they know you can’t always do what they want; but they demand that you “witness their struggle.”  How many hundreds of times have those wise words successfully impacted my life and career?   The parents who were so angry with a principal and simply hearing from his boss, “You are very angry and want his supervisors to know how unprofessional you believed he was,” to which complete calmness emerged.   The teenager who was emotionally distraught over an argument with her friend, “your friend has hurt you deeply,” to which emotion softened.   The teacher who is frustrated with the lack of motivation in her students, “You care so deeply for your students it makes you angry because you want more for them than they seem to want for themselves right now,” to which clarity emerged.

In this current sacred arena I find myself, “witness the struggle” seems to demonstrate once again its power.  The power to just “be” with others.  Not to fix, do, tell, advise… just be fully present in the situation and emotion of the time.  When my Dad seemed to be in pain, the whisper in his ear… “it’s hurting and you are wanting restfulness.”   The hospice angel saying to me, “You are so sad to lose him and yet you are celebrating his final hours with you.”  The nurse who tended him so lovingly saying to me, “the love and admiration the two of you have for each other is evident.”

From birth to death people want to have a voice, to matter and to be heard.  Releasing the need to do anything but simply “witness the struggle” is a gift that costs nothing and reassures every spirit by simply knowing I am heard, I matter, I am important.

by Kathy Kee, PCC
Coaching for Results Global, Inc.

Most of you are already off and running with the beginning of a fantastic new school year.  You  have probably spent many hours of thought, collaborative planning and creativity to be sure your professional development was engaging, productive, meaningful and motivational for your staff members. Now it’s time to consider another important question. How have you planned to sustain a successful year for yourself and your staff? How will you keep yourself and your staff focused on the expectations and goals you have set? How will you maintain the motivation and increase levels of productivity and achievement?

I bet you’d be excited if I told you I have an answer! Give yourself a wonderful gift,  in very personal, colorful wrapping. It’s the gift of a coach! Coaching provides a wonderful opportunity to work in  partnership with a trusted confidant who is committed to listening, understanding, and helping you explore possibilities for improving your school and your life. Having been a school principal for fifteen years, I know firsthand that the leadership position can be very lonely at times. I think most leaders will agree it is not always easy, especially when you focus on making a difference for children. It’s very challenging and it doesn’t seem to matter whether you are a first year administrator or a veteran. It’s a source of comfort and confidence building to think out loud, explore ideas and plan a path of action to accomplish what you know is needed, with complete confidentiality and without judgment.

The beauty of effective coaching is that YOU are in charge, You come to the session prepared with an issue, topic or problem you want to discuss. You come to an agreement with your coach as to what you would like to accomplish during your time together. You tap into your own knowledge and experience to find the best solutions to questions or problems that you wish to explore.  Your coach will support you through committed listening, clarifying, by asking powerful, thought provoking questions, perhaps causing you to re-frame an idea, or plan alternate pathways to accomplish your goals. Sometimes coaching is just providing silence for you to talk and work through an emotion or idea and create a meaningful path to success.

You can find many testimonials online from educators to CEOs and other business professionals who have taken an active role in their own path to success through coaching. It’s a gift you can give yourself, leading you to discover your own incredible potential without limits. Find a coach and have a very productive school year.

by Jane Bidlack
Coaching for Results Global, Inc.

Recently while attending a state conference for school leaders, Hector, a former coaching client and I had an opportunity to chat. During our conversation, Hector was excited to share plans for what he is planning to do differently this year to produce even better results than the great ones his school is known for. He could describe his plans in vivid detail. We agreed that the changes were exciting and full of promise! My final question seemed to surprise Hector. It was the only one he didn’t have a ready answer for. “You’ve planned very carefully what it is you want to do differently, but how are you planning to be different as their leader?”

After reflecting on my question, Hector admitted that he had been so busy planning what he would do, that he had neglected to plan how he wanted to be. He ended our conversation by saying that he was going to spend time deciding how to answer my question.

I suggested that Hector might consider the following questions as he was thinking:

• How can I model what I want teachers to do?
• How might I be open to suggestions from staff?
• What might I be doing that makes implementing this change more difficult?

What strategies are most helpful to you in planning how to be with your team?

by Bob Carter
Coaching for Results Global, Inc.