New Years’ Resolutions are easy enough to make but hard to keep over time. We begin with commitment and enthusiasm, to change a habit that is important to us. But our brains… and our muscles… and our psyches… default to the old patterns very soon! Before we know it, we are back on the old road of complacency and discouragement.
I had a friend, Sarah, who resolved to have more meaningful conversations with others. She devised three simple ideas to practice consistently in order to elicit higher quality conversations with family members and colleagues.
- When her teen daughter said, “It was good” (can you hear the flat voice tone?) or ”She’s nice,” Sarah would push for more details. “What made it ‘good’?” or ”What specifically makes her ‘nice’?” Suddenly her daughter had to do more thinking and be less automatic in her response.
- When her colleagues asked for Sarah’s advice about a situation, she would first ask what they were thinking BEFORE offering her own ideas. She would say, “So what are you thinking about doing?” This allowed her to build on their ideas before plunging in with her own (brilliant!) thinking.
- In conversations with her friends, Sarah listened to identify core values implicit in their stories and name those values while she paraphrased what they said. For example, her friend was ranting about her children who were showing a bad attitude about some Christmas gifts they received. Sarah’s response to the friend was, “It’s really important to you that your children show appreciation and gratitude even if the gift itself misses the mark.” This opened a whole dialogue about the value that the friend was trying to inspire in her children.
If you are like Sarah and have an important resolution you want to stick with you, then do what she did:
- Focus on what you want to do, rather than on what you don’t want to do.
- Create frames for situations that frequently occur, which will easily move you into practicing the new skill.
- Always be on the lookout for situations when you can use one of the frames. This will give you lots of practice in the new skill.
Best wishes for 2012 as you practice those new habits of mind!
By Marceta Reilly
Coaching For Results Global, Inc.
January is the time of the year that brings a feeling of renewal and recommitment. You make New Year’s resolutions around dieting, exercising, saving money, etc. With the beginning of a new semester, it’s also time to reflect on where you are as a coach leader. Consider this quote by Tony Robbins, author and professional speaker; ”Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is raise your standards. When people ask me what really changed my life… I tell them… the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things… that I aspired to becoming.”
One way to think about changing your expectations as a coach leader is to use the lens of illumination. Light sources shine with different levels of intensities. These varying intensities can shed a light on your progress toward becoming the best coach leader. Use the following brightness continuum to identify where you are in your use of coach-like behaviors and to consider ways to obtain mastery of coaching skills.
Let’s start with our initial light source — a flickering candle. Candles create low light and cast only a slight shadow. If you are at the candle level of implementing coach-like behaviors, you are aware of coaching behaviors but you have not applied these skills on a regular basis to daily life situations. You have not practiced the skills so that they have become a part of your normal repertoire.
Level two on the illumination scale is illustrated with a flashlight. Flashlights give off more light than a candle. They allow you to focus your light on specific items within a space. As a coach leader, you select a situation and shine your light on it. You think about what coaching skills you might use and you elect to practice your coach-like behaviors in these isolated circumstances.
Level three is illustrated with a strobe light. Strobe lights scan the environment looking for specific areas where their light needs to be focused. As a coach leader, you are aware of situations in your school where individuals need to be encouraged or challenged and you choose to use your coaching skills to intervene.
The last level on our coach-like illumination scale is high beam lights. When you are driving at night, high beam lights allow you to see clearly everything on the horizon — particularly, objects that are right in front of you. Just as your driving skills are involuntary, your coach-like skills have also become automatic. Your coaching behaviors have become intrinsic and they continually impact your interactions with others.
Becoming a strong coach leader takes time, attention, and commitment. What’s the result of your dedicated focus? You are an illumination for yourself and others.
by Edna Harris, PCC
Coaching For Results Global, Inc.
Edna Harris is a founding member of Coaching For Results Global. She is certified through the International Coach Federation as a Professional Certified Coach and is a co-author of Results Coaching: The New Essential for School Leaders. To learn more about Edna and other CFR Global Coaches, go to www. CoachingForResultsGlobal.com and click on “Coaches.”
Sitting across the restaurant table from Ava, I could see her eyes cloud with pain when I asked about her topic for today’s coaching conversation. She systematically chewed her bottom lip, sucked in a long-ragged breath, and plunged in, “My adult niece asked to move in with me for six months and I’m already regretting saying yes. I like my life the way it is. My husband and I enjoy our solitude, we relish our time together. This could wreak havoc in our world. I am so worried.”
Gently probing, I asked Ava what was the most important thing to know about the situation. “I am afraid I will destroy my relationship with my niece, because I really don’t want her to live with me.”
I asked Ava to envision two doors. Behind both is a future with her niece. Behind the first is a relationship which is carefully designed. Behind the other waits a relationship devoid of goals or planning. “Which door will you choose? ”
Ava grabbed a pencil and began to scribble on a paper napkin. “My goal for my relationship with my niece is:
To provide support.
To be generous.
To be respectful.
To model a strong work ethic
To be loving.
To be thoughtful.
To be available.
For the first time that morning, Ava smiled and asserted, “I am in control of determining the outcome of this relationship.”
Like Ava, we always have a choice in determining our future. Even the effects of factors beyond our control can be impacted by setting goals for how we will respond to certain circumstances. It is, at once, as simple and profound as that. Your future, (and mine), will be determined by two things: the goals that we set, and the commitments that we honor. What goals will you write for 2012? What doors are awaiting your consideration?
by Reba Schumacher, ACC
Coaching For Results Global, Inc.
Reba Schumacher is certified through the International Coach Federation as an Associate Certified Coach. She is a veteran Texas public school administrator with thirty-three years experience. Currently she is an independent consultant and leadership coach, and her experience supervising highly effective, visionary school principals and district directors contributes significantly to her success as a coach. To read more about Diana and other CFR coaches, go to www.coachingschoolresults.com and click on “coaches.”
I had the opportunity to have a very valuable coaching session as part of our ongoing personal development process within Coaching For Results Global. You might call it “coaches coaching coaches.” I have moved from being a passive observer of my “issue” to taking an active role in the situation. How did my coach help facilitate learning and results for me in that session? As I’ve thought about the skills that she used in working with me, I’ve identified at least three uses of language that were very powerful:1) the language of metaphor, 2) the language of movement and 3) the language of holding one able and accountable.
The language of metaphor:
As I began describing my issue, I explained the event that prompted my concern. My coach reframed my story event with the use of a powerful metaphor, “You got a radar signal.” That image of the radar signal implanted the significance of that event in my mind. She went on to reframe my ramblings about the issue by asking, “Where do you want to shine the spotlight?” The metaphor of a spotlight was not only powerful in getting me to think about the focus of the issue, but became our “coaching agreement” about how we would focus our limited coaching time together.
The language of movement:
Recently at the movies, the “feature presentation” was announced by a clip that included audience viewers sitting in chairs in a movie theater awaiting the start of the movie when the chairs suddenly start moving as if on a magic carpet and transport the viewers into a lovely, darkened, outdoors garden where they begin watching the movie. It hit me- that is what my coach had done for me. I had been sitting in the “theater” passively observing my issue feeling immobilized about doing anything about it. Through her artistry and skill, I was transported to a mental space of possibility and wonder over the control I could have over my issue. I was transported from point A to Point B. The “chair” that transported me was her language of movement.
Some of the “movement language she used was, “Where do you want to shine the spotlight? “ I visualized that spotlight moving over several options from inaction to action. She noted, “You want to put yourself in the center of the situation.” This enabled me to recognize that I had the power to move from a passive to an active participant.
The language of holding me able and accountable:
The impact of the coach paraphrasing and asking powerful questions of me, held me able and accountable for my movement. I shared with the coach my many good excuses for not having done more about this issue for several years. She did not shame me or try to give me advice about how better off I would be if I took the necessary action. She did not try to counter my excuses with advice or new ideas framed with, “have you thought about..?” Her language became the language of her belief that I had both the whys and the answers for creating change. She asked several thoughtful questions that made me think and work such as 1)” How do you want to be?” 2)” What will it look like in the future when you become the way you want to be?” 3) “How can you take charge of this?” I realized that I did not want to be powerless. I was able to visualize a different future, and I was able to think of multiple ways to reach my goal. Her language of accountability was, “what do you want to commit to publicly? I have had movement in my goals as a result of her holding me able and accountable.
Coach, I want you to know that your coaching will have long range impact on my well-being. Thank you for helping me move to the center of my own power. Thank you for helping me recognize the radar signal, and thank you for helping me shine a spotlight on possibilities. Thank you, Coach!
by Diana Williams, PhD, PCC
Coaching For Results Global, Inc.
Diana Williams, PhD, PCC, author of the Elementary Principal’s Personal Coach, is a founding member of Coaching for Results Global and serves on the CFR Global Board of Directors, leading the Office of Evaluation. She is a past president of Learning Forward, formerly NSDC, and a recipient of the Distinguished Service Award. To read more about Diana and other CFR coaches, go to www.coachingschoolresults.com and click on “coaches.”
Who would have ever thought that the lessons of using positive intent – one of our essential coaching skills – would be reinforced for me as I was being wheeled back to my room after a recent surgery? Certainly not me, but there it was! With my morphine pump held tightly in my hand I listened as the hospital orderly explained how he was going to transfer me from the gurney to my bed. I would have to move over to the edge of the gurney and lift myself up to get unto the bed. All I could think was “pain – lots of pain” and before I knew it I was telling the orderly “This sounds like its really going to hurt and I don’t think I can do it.” The orderly would not have any of that and replied with the following:
“Here’s what I want you to think and say – this man is very experienced and skillful. He knows what he’s doing and will move me very carefully without causing me undo pain. And I can do whatever he asks me to do. I CAN DO IT! I WILL DO IT! If you think that way you will be able to do what I ask you to do.”
I immediately changed my “can’t” to “I can” and the move from gurney to bed was easy and as painless as possible.
Imagine if teachers routinely helped their students change “I can’t” to “I can and I will”. What a jump in achievement we would see – not to mention a generation of empowered students!
Imagine if school leaders framed each of their messages to teachers, support staff and parents in the language of “can and will” instead of dwelling on obstacles and describing challenges as if they were facts.
Positive intent – a relatively simple change in our thinking and language – that produces anything but simple results.
by Riva Korashan
Coaching For Results Global, Inc.
Riva Korashan is a founding member of Coaching For Results Global, Inc. and passionately believes that coaching educators is the key to student achievement. She has been coaching educators for over 20 years and has seen first-hand the difference it makes for individuals and school organizations.
